How you know
You said it in one sentence, they went quiet, and you read the quiet as agreement.
Something to say
“That's how it looks to me, and I might be missing something. What am I not seeing?”
It's easier to spot this afterwards than at the time. Give it a week before you decide it isn't yours.
Two ways in
One is a habit. The other is one person.
Neither is the better one. Pick whichever matches the thing that is actually bothering you.
On your own
The habit, not the incident.
Being direct is worth keeping. What it needs next to it is an obvious way for somebody to tell you you're wrong.
- Say how sure you are, separately from what you think. "I'm fairly confident" and "I've decided" are two different conversations.
- Ask one real question and sit through the pause. The pause is where the answer is.
- Say what's still open. If nothing is, say that too — a fake invitation is worse than a clear instruction.
With somebody in mind
The same friction, one person.
Quiet isn't agreement. With one person in front of you, it's usually just the cheapest thing available to them.
- Say which part is yours to decide and which part is theirs, before you say anything about the work.
- Ask what they'd do about it, and let their answer be the one that changes the work.
One of these, not all of them. And in your own words, because ours won't sound like you.
Where this sharpens
It lands hardest with two of the five.
Not because anybody is difficult. These are just the two who reach for something different first, at the same moment.
Which one is yours
You are reading The Driver. Is that actually you?
Ten situations, about three minutes, no sign-up. It tells you which of the five you reach for first — and which version of this page is yours.
Five readings
This plays differently depending on what you reach for first.
Pick the one that sounds most like you. Reading a dimension is not a claim that you are one.