How you know
You've already decided not to raise it, and now you're looking for the version of events where that was the right call.
Something to say
“There's something small I want to say now, while it's still small.”
It's easier to spot this afterwards than at the time. Give it a week before you decide it isn't yours.
Two ways in
One is a habit. The other is one person.
Neither is the better one. Pick whichever matches the thing that is actually bothering you.
On your own
The habit, not the incident.
The version you're protecting everybody from is almost always cheaper than the one that turns up later.
- Say the awkward thing while it's still boring enough to be boring.
- Split what you're sensing from what you're claiming. "I might be reading this wrong, and here's what I'm reading" manages to be honest and safe at the same time.
- Notice when you're translating between two people who could just talk to each other. Then stop translating.
With somebody in mind
The same friction, one person.
When somebody's work keeps running into a limit neither of you set, say what the limit is. Left unsaid, it gets heard as a verdict on the work.
- Say what the limit is, including the part you don't control.
- Ask what they'd do differently if the limit lifted, so the conversation is about the work and not about them.
One of these, not all of them. And in your own words, because ours won't sound like you.
Where this sharpens
It lands hardest with two of the five.
Not because anybody is difficult. These are just the two who reach for something different first, at the same moment.
Which one is yours
You are reading The Designer. Is that actually you?
Ten situations, about three minutes, no sign-up. It tells you which of the five you reach for first — and which version of this page is yours.
Five readings
This plays differently depending on what you reach for first.
Pick the one that sounds most like you. Reading a dimension is not a claim that you are one.