How you know
The thing you're annoyed about is smaller than how annoyed you are about it.
Something to say
“Before we talk about this one, can I show you everything currently pointed at me?”
It's easier to spot this afterwards than at the time. Give it a week before you decide it isn't yours.
Two ways in
One is a habit. The other is one person.
Neither is the better one. Pick whichever matches the thing that is actually bothering you.
On your own
The habit, not the incident.
Make the queue visible before you argue about anything in it. A row between two people turns into a question about what comes first, and that one has an answer.
- Write the list down. Everything asked of you right now, and who asked.
- Every time something new goes on, say what comes off. Out loud, not in your head.
- Check whether the person you're annoyed with is actually the one who filled the queue. Usually not.
With somebody in mind
The same friction, one person.
Agree who gets to add to your work. Not a process. One person, by name.
- Ask them to send requests through whoever owns the queue, and tell them who that is.
- If nobody owns it, say so plainly. That's the finding, and it isn't about either of you.
One of these, not all of them. And in your own words, because ours won't sound like you.
Where this sharpens
It lands hardest with two of the five.
Not because anybody is difficult. These are just the two who reach for something different first, at the same moment.
Which one is yours
You are reading The Doer. Is that actually you?
Ten situations, about three minutes, no sign-up. It tells you which of the five you reach for first — and which version of this page is yours.
Five readings
This plays differently depending on what you reach for first.
Pick the one that sounds most like you. Reading a dimension is not a claim that you are one.